Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
