Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So vagazzling was a success
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
