I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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