he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
