Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
