then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
