that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i dont even know how to be here
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
