Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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