just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
