Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
