The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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