careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize