And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
