I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize