Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
