You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
