I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
