he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
