Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
