I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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