I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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