Whatcha textin bout Willis?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
