He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
