I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
