There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Are my feet made of real feet?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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