yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
