Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
