I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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