I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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