So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
