I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
