If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
