Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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