wrigley field is MILF paradise
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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