what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize