I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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