the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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