Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
