Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
