god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
