Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
