I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
