Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
