I need help removing her.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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