U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
