Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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