this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
