Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
