My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
