the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
