So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
