just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
