I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize