You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
