it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
