Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
