That's intense
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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