You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
