my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
