The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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