I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
