i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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