i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
