grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
