Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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