Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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