Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
