the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
