Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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