don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
NoShamevember. You game?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
