Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
