i wish there were pregnant emoticons
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
